The 5 stages of Parceltitis πŸ“¦

If you haven’t bought anything online ever since the internet existed, you……are really great with credit cards. But unfortunately for the rest of us, Parceltitis is a thing. Victims are often caught unaware and suffer an agonizing test of patience while at the mercy of the responsible logistic company or even the guy that was suppose to bring you pizza half an hour ago. Should you see signs or symptoms mentioned below, we regret that nothing can be done but to read more of our blog post and distract yourself (Pictures of Golden Retriever puppies are a good options too).

  1. The simmering excitement with a lid on top. 

    So you’ve just submitted your credit card details and bought (insert your dream product). Your life is now full of joy and confetti and the parcel tracking number is of little importance to a reasonable person like you. How long can it take for a parcel to arrive? “I can wait a week. I’m a patient person”, you say to yourself. But you still check as to how long it takes for a parcel to be delivered by the gods of logistics. Oh, two to three days they said! You beam in delight because your baby’s comin.

  2. The restrained parcel-tracking. 

    “Wokay,” you say to yourself “it’s been a while. I’m just going to see if they’ve dispatched my stuff at the post office”. You drink a glass of water, rub your hands together and click the refresh button 5 times before saying:”You know what? It’s just been 2 days, they must be busy, bringing all the orders before mine to the post office. But you know, I’ll just type a short pm, asking what the h..what happened to my order.”

  3. You try to get on with life, but it is too late. You have gone to stage 3 Parceltitis. 

    “No babe, this is the 7th time you’ve called today, the are no parcels today.” You hang up and slump into your chair. Weary with waning patience, you start hallucinating a postman knocking on your door with a brown box under his arm, but you know it can’t be true as you stare at the 3 words on the screen “Item dispatched out”. Can you wait any longer? You wonder as you fall into a parcel-less world full of endless waiting.

  4. Two words: Delivery Process.
    Come rain or shine (or El Nino weather), you dare not leave the postbox. You cup, clasp and clap your hands together as you pray to all devas, lords and gods to protect your Postlaju guy. Hours past as you rock back and forth in coldΒ  hot sweat. You get up to get back inside because you’re melting, when suddenly, you hear the unmistakable sound of your dogs barking with the sound of a motorbike engine. You shoot out like hot wheels, your eyes meet with the loveliest parcel in the world. “Sign here please” he says. You scratched the paper violently and run into the house.

    oh my god…a note saying sorry. This can’t be good.

    5.Β But after all that, you know what? YOUR PARCEL IS HERE! You have successfully survived from the deadly disease!

    Parceltitis was a tough journey, we know. So you didn’t get the green clay infused with rose-buds you wanted from Il PuroΒ . But hey! They gave you a free bottle of Frankinecense Essential Oil! (True story bro). And now you can lead a normal life again….until your next online purchase.

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One thought on “The 5 stages of Parceltitis πŸ“¦

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